remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
