May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
