K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
