The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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