maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
