you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
