between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
