i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
