She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
