dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
