Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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