shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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