So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Blood and glitter go together right?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
