literally had 100 drinks last night.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Randomize
