Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
