I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Text me some of your sweat
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