So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
