Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
