Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
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