so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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