meet me or not, i'm out of control
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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