My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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