Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize