it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
