We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Randomize
