How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
