When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
