It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
