What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
