My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
