I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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