Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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