I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
