Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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