i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
