We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
