he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
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