1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
