I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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