Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
