I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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