sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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