Having a random hookup so left but love u
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
