Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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