my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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