Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
