Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
