What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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