a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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