getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
