At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
