she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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