Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
