Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
